love like this?

 hey, i dah lama sgt tak update pasal my life..busy with life..ups and down..tak tahu nk describe mcm mane..btw now i start briskwalking balik sbb i dignosed metabolic syndrome which is..it all package penyakit hahahah..i ade kencing manis..darah tinggi and high kolestrol..i hv low metabolism..so susah regulate insulin..punca i ada kencing manis and now nk refer to pakar E&T sbb nk check either i ade sleep apnea..punca darah tinggi tak turun..

ok back to real story..my life kinda messed..fyi..mamat tu kantoi depan mata i dengan perempuan lain and i pergi ke dia and asked perempuan tu mengaku dia gf kpd mamat tu..i be like ohhhh...okayyyy...vanished..time tu on my birthday..bayangkan how i feel time tu..i baru nk celebrate bday with him..he blocked me untillllll...raya bebaru ni dia wish raya..i speechless and said okay...thought benda ni habis situ..tak..dia datang depan i..time tu i tgh makan..and dia ajak berborak..ckp yang dia dah nk pindah dari rumah sewa dia(act dia dah nak kahwin time tu..thanks to his housemate yang dok cerita dengan i hal ni)..dia pusing2 twist cerita semua...still dengan perangai narsistik dia...even dah kahwin pun masih cari i..selamba mintak belikan itu ini..i terlalu penat nak hadap perangai dia..so biarkan..heheh

And now i dalam fasa kenal hati budi this one guy..yang totally opposite perangan dengan my ex..mudah dibawa bincang..memula dia tak faham cara i..sbb i prefer berbincang terus..anything just terus ckp..sbb i ade masalah insecurities..so i perlu cpt bincang so that i tak overthinking and jd lebih annoying..i love anything about him..the way he talk so soothing sbb sgt soft spoken..tenang..mudah bwk bincang..akui mmg ade sometimes i agak annoying..and pernah buat dia trigger..hampir stop relationship sbb i buat dia trigger and kes my ex yang dok kacau..bincang semula baru la dia ok..so thankful sbb tuhan pertemukan orang yang baik pada i..im feel so lucky to have him..

i love him sbb i nmpk dia seorg yang sgt bertanggungjawab..dia duda anak 3..but he almost everyday jumpa anak2..i suka benda tu sbb i still wanna him ada bonding with his kids..so that anak2 dia tak rasa kosong or lacking figure seorang ayah..i nmpk benda mcm ni sgt2 penting sbb anak2 dia masih dlm fasa membesar..so figura seorang ayah tu perlu ada..cuma one thing..i insecure dengan ex wife dia..idk why but mungkin i ni rasa i just potato..tak cantik..tak ada personaliti yang baik..i suka cara dia melayan parents dia...i believe his parents raise him so well and from lovely family background so dia end up jd diri dia yang sekarang..i really hope he'll be my last..sbb nk cari someone genuine ni mmg susah zaman skrg ni..i never fall this way before..